and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
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Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
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First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
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