Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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