Duck Duck Cougar?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
