guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I could fuck to npr.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Randomize
