I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Randomize
