I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
