TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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