Pants 0. Shit 1.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
