Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
