i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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