I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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