I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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