Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
