Kiss
Puke
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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