So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
