SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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