I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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