I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
it's like iHOP with fire
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize