Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Randomize
