the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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