watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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