now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
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She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
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I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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