At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
