She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
