dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
