There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
