His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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