ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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