What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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