I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
