And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
