Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
