How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
