Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize