Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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