Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
