My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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