I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
