Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
