Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
