I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
