I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
