I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
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He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
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She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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