have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
