in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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