Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
His nipple licking is glorious
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
