She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
