It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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