she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
