I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize