i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
