I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
