i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
