I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
