We won't sleep together?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
