i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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