watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
