so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
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Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
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"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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