shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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