I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
