I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You're like the curious george of whores
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
