Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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