No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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