I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
