Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
